dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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