I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
