Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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