Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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