I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
