Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize