Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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