I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
