homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
