I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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