i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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