Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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