He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
