i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
