nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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