I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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