I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry my hands just texted you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
