Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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