your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
