let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
