Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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