My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
