i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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