Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
