Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
