those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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