I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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