hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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