Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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