you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
