dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
