Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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