Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
