my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize