apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
