I wanna bring you to show and tell
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
