omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
