so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
