flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
