I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
