Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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