You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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