Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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