Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
