i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
