Soap is not a condiment
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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