Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come see our sink grown plant.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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