hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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