So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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