A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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