apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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