I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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