I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
