But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
