I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We're too hungover to prance.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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