listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
