Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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