why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
