He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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