oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
