my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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