We're facebook friends in real life
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize