My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
