There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
