Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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