omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
