Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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