wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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